Thoughts on relationships between parents and children

In the 1986 narrative, the adult Henry is shocked when he finds out how his son perceives him.  The readers share his shock, because they are exposed to Henry's thoughts and childhood stories, and see Henry as he sees himself.  Henry realizes that, in the absence of stories and honest communication to his son, his son has patched together an inaccurate image of Henry using scattered clues. 

The story implies that Henry's taciturn nature stems from his own relationship with his father.  Henry's parents spoke Cantonese and very little English.  They insisted that Henry speak only English at home, wishing for him to fully assimilate into American culture.  Henry was forbidden from speaking Cantonese at home, and thus unable to communicate to his parents, though he heard and understood all that they said. 

This can be taken as an allegory of the gap in understanding between parents and children that ensues in most relationships.

When a child is born, their parents have already established their way of life.  The child grows up in this backdrop, developing a tacit understanding of this way of life.  Also, the parents see their babies develop into children, and witness every step of their development.  They get a deep understand of who their child is. So much of the relationship between a parent and a child is innate and second-nature.  However, this relationship is but a single facet of who the parents and children really are.

The parents have experienced a world (their childhood, adolescense, and young adulthood) that the children know nothing about. It doesn't even occur to the children that such a world would exist for their parents.  Learning about a parent's past is fascinating for a child, because it gives the child glimpses into the mind and feelings of the parent. The child is fascinated to learn that they share some common, universal experiences with their parents. However, if the parent doesn't share these stories, the child will remain forever ignorant of this aspect of their being.

Similarly, the child instinctively hides away any part of their personal life that they feel doesn't conform with their parents' way of life, or atleast with their understanding of what it is.  The relationship with the parent is important to the child and they don't want to cause friction, up to a point.  At some point, it becomes too much of a burden to supress significant parts of the child's being, and to attempt to conform into someone they don't feel that they really are and don't want to be. Sometimes, the child has a backlash and rebels against their parents.  Sometimes, the child loosens these self-imposed restrictions and learns to balance who they are and who they think their parents want them to be. 

This happens twice-over in the case of immigrant children, or children of immigrant parents.  Because their parents' way of life is drastically different than the way of life of their friends at school, they feel like they have to hide part of their being and conform with their friends as well.  Some children form dual identities, slipping them on and off in different situations, as easily as a pair of shoes.  Some children decide to abandon their immigrant-selves and assimilate 100%.